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The current period marks a full decade since the word “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. At the time, the idea that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. How naive we were. In the ten-year span since, seeking a mate has only become more confounding – an frequently unsuccessful pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Generation Z, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their romantic glossary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

Below is a comprehensive glossary to the words Zoomers is using to navigate love, intimacy and the search of both. To channel one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the end of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's reaction is inquisitive or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This signifies seeking out someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A date where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do low-cost romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes partners who choose against having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Warning signs – Personal habits indicating a potential partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions affirm your choice to date a partner. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who despises the same things or individuals that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band many young men is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that instantly kill any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet display.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {